Lost Land Lubber

Suddenly it appears to me that I have fallen out of love with sailing.

The whole thing suddenly seems like a wife I adored and worshipped for many years, through my stumbling young adult years and into my middle age, there she was with a smile most often as the diamonds danced on the bay, raising a lightness of mind and spirit in me.

But now she seems a joy from the past and a little complicated and awkward for the future. Like a wife who gives you less attention now because here career has taken over. Like you have come back from the magical island surrounded by playful waters, back to fast land with those memories behind you.

The season is also behind me. I mean I did very little sailing, but I kind of also felt very very accomplished and mature and able to take everything in my stride and enjoy it. Like a last romantic holiday with a worn out relationship perhaps, we played breifly on some warm summer days.

I have the share of a boat, but I just dont have the enthusiasm to go sail her in waters which are now quiet and lack company or promise in particular as autumnal weather rushes in with mists and torrential rain.

Maybe this is a trial separation after a final fling. A roll under the sheets which satisfied neither partner completely but kind of put a nice enough full stop on the whole affaire? 

I have been here before and it has been about 'another day at the office' which is the time to give up for that season. But maybe this will be that famous year out ahead which I have never quite taken since 1993.

Jaded and a little kind of done for what I can afford right now, with other priorities and a new careeer to set course into. That is probably all, because unlike any lover over time, sailing does not get angry with you, it does not get so grey and faded, it does not loose it's excitement. The wind blows, the boats heel and the the wake rushes aft.

I will be back. This is not adieu my lover, this is au revoir!